如何看待乌克兰数学家康斯坦丁·奥尔梅佐夫自杀? 第4页

话不多说了，和平万岁吧。天堂没有战争，希望他安息。这场战争已经造成了很多无辜的生命逝去，这是谁也不愿意看到的。

转载一下遗书全文：

你好。我的名字是康斯坦丁·奥尔梅佐夫（Konstantin Olmezov），我正在写这篇头脑清晰、记忆力强的文本，如果你正在阅读它，那么我很可能永远不会写任何东西。

曾几何时，当我真的很认真地思考在俄罗斯互联网上什么不应该被命名为[自杀]时，我开始为自己寻找一些自救视频。在其中一篇文章中，这位心理学家说，促使几乎每个人考虑这样做的主要想法是：“世界欠我的，世界没有达到我的期望。”我被这个想法灌输了，我意识到这样的位置不适合那种情况——问题解决了，我很快恢复了生活。

但现在这正是我所想的：“世界欠我的，世界没有辜负我的期望”。

世界应该努力纠正错误。并且不这样做。世界应该由有思想、有同情心和负责任的人组成。事实并非如此。世界应该允许创造力和选择的自由。他一直在拿他们。世界应该认为这些要求是正常的。他认为它们定价过高。

2 月 24 日开始的事情改变了我的一些存在立场。可怕的是，我在书中读到的所有迹象都很容易被那些昨天才似乎过着完全日常生活的人获得。恐怕我们的语言还没有文字来表达正在发生的事情的程度。原来，要想成为书本和歌曲的英雄，不读不听就足够了，数百万人有能力做到这一点。

2018年我来到俄罗斯做科学。我来是因为我爱上了乌克兰没有代表的一门科学——加法组合学。爱上真实的、疯狂的——就像人们爱上的人一样。和她一起度过了日日夜夜。我对这种爱情并不太热心，我的科学成就非常有限，但这并不矛盾，因为在普通的爱情中，我的事情更糟。

我一直对俄罗斯政治持批评态度，一直认为俄罗斯文化优于它，能够超越。我脑海中的这个幻​​觉几乎没有动摇，但现在它一下子彻底地落了下来。维索茨基、菲拉托夫、什帕利科夫、阿斯特拉罕、塔可夫斯基、米哈尔科夫（在他的恶魔演绎之外）、维诺格拉多夫、林尼克、什克雷多夫、柴可夫斯基、拉赫玛尼诺夫、斯克里亚宾——恐怕这些和许多其他名字对大多数现在采取行动的人来说毫无意义得到大多数当代俄罗斯人的支持。如此之多，我们甚至无法想象。然而，他们[民族主义战争贩子]得到了支持。

可笑的是，大家还相信，凡事都可以靠武力来实现。通过足够用力地打破生命，你可以让人们忘记他们眼前发生的事情。也就是说，通过闭上每个人的嘴，你可以让思想窒息。这似乎是来自政治或心理学领域的东西，但不，它存在于文化中——这不是一种处理现实的策略，而是一种对主题现象的态度的表达。这就是“存在决定意识”的本质。

---

2月26日，我试图离开俄罗斯领土。这是一个有点愚蠢的行为，但只是在它构思不周的程度上。我不后悔，但我只后悔没有在 23 日这样做，当时有所有原因。

我去保卫我的国家，保卫它免受想要从我手中夺走它的人的伤害。为了保护我自己选择的总裁，承担着老板保护下属时同样的责任。顺便说一句，在 2019 年的第一轮中，我没有投票给泽连斯基。在 2023 年，我不会投票给他。但是，无论他对我来说多么不愉快，选择的自由和对所选择的事物负责的自由，以及对后果的全部体验负责，对我来说很重要。很难向许多俄罗斯人和亲俄罗斯的乌克兰人解释，即使在所有方面都有助于改善福祉的外部强迫改变是不可接受的，因为它们也是来自外部的强迫。这就像从超级监管下退出一样。

在上公共汽车时，我被逮捕了。我认为，原因在于我的口音不好，以及我贸然与一个人分享了我的计划。当我被捕时，我认为我的自由被永远剥夺了，我直接告诉了FSB我所想到的一切。这是愚蠢的，但不可能是其他的。这是我能击中他们的最后一击，我用尽全力击中。我什至被他们多么无助地试图回答我，多么朴实无华地重复着最粗鲁的宣传陈词滥调而一脸无辜的表情感到好笑。

进入牢房后，我开始只寻找一件事——死亡。我以七种不同的方式进行了至少十次尝试。他们中的一些人，从这里看，很可笑，他们的厄运似乎很明显，但这些都是真诚的尝试。而我唯一的梦想，坐在那里，就是被释放，以便能够以正常的成功机会提交最后一个（顺便说一句，我仍然不明白他们为什么让我走）。

对我来说，不自由比死亡更糟糕。在我的一生中，我一直在努力争取在任何事情上都有选择的自由——在食物、职业、居住地、用什么肥皂洗手以及投票给哪个政党。我总是只吃对我来说好吃的食物，如果这不可能，我宁愿忍受饥饿。对付不自由只有两种方式——压制和拒绝。压抑是如果你自由地选择如何过你的一生，然后你被关起来，你开始选择在被关起来的时候读哪本书。我只能通过不接受、拒绝停留在缺乏自由的境地来对抗缺乏自由——如果他们阻止我选择生活的方式和地点，我宁愿不生活。

我真的很喜欢顿涅茨克，尽管有一种奇怪的爱。尽管童年很恶心，但这仍然是我写第一个节目、我的第一首诗、第一次上台、赚到我的第一笔钱的城市。这座城市，在它的中心，每一个商店和每一个公园的小径都充满了某种韵律，某种我在那里解决的问题，名字，面孔，愉快和可怕的事件。每条赛道的每一个角落。

我非常爱基辅——我第一次找到独立生活的城市，我第一次经历饥饿和孤独，我第一次真正坠入爱河，写下了我最好的诗篇。在那里的某个时候，我在 3 天内写了 2 节经文，和以往一样多。 Rusaniv 运河上的每一座桥，Lisovaya 后面森林里的每一棵树，胜利公园里的每一个长凳，都充满了他们的痛苦和他们的爱。

我非常爱莫斯科——我第一次“站起来”、获得经济独立的城市，在那里我证明了我的第一个也是唯一的定理，在那里我第一次真正相信了自己的力量。察里齐诺在哪里！

在这场战争中，我伤害了每一方，但我亲眼看到谁在保卫自己的土地，谁在接管别人的土地。

---

有一个老生常谈的问题：存在还是不存在。我总是试图不时问自己。在我看来，如果一个人不经常问自己这个问题，那么生命的延续对他来说不是一个有意识的选择。

这个问题是众所周知的，但作者紧随其后的是另一个问题：是否值得毫无怨言地忍受命运的耻辱。现在对我来说答案是明确的：保持沉默、撒谎、假装周围或灵魂中没有任何事情发生是不值得的；代替，终生坐牢，无能为力——不配；躲着大家，给别人添麻烦，不断地寻求帮助，害怕大家是不值得的；党派，在其领土上伤害另一个国家是双重不值得的，我是乌克兰人，一个不同文化的人（我知道有人会认为这是一个弱点，好吧）。我看不到有尊严地继续我的生活的方法。

在某些时候，我希望第二次尝试离开。我非常感谢给我它的人，我很抱歉没有使用它。我还是很害怕他们会第二次把我关进监狱，而且说真的——我在第一次拘留期间做了太多愚蠢的事情。

更不用说我对人类和整个人类感到失望的事实。在 21 世纪，一支军队在半夜袭击一个完全陌生、完全不危险的国家。每个士兵都明白自己在做什么，却装作不明白。当这个国家的部长说“我们没有攻击”时，记者们就播出了。每个记者都明白这是一个谎言，并假装不明白。当数以百万计的人看到这一点并明白正在发生的事情将取决于他们的良心和历史时，他们会假装与这无关。当黑色称为白色，愉快称为苦涩时，不是在密谋的耳语中，也没有眨眼，而是仿佛来自自己。当扎多诺夫关于一个美国人说“俄罗斯人很残忍，因为他们在波尔塔瓦附近袭击了瑞典人”的笑话不再是一个笑话，不再是关于美国人和瑞典人的笑话时。当世界正在认真讨论其 75 年来一直试图预防的事情的可能性，而不是讨论任何新的预防模式。当权力再次声称是真理的主要来源，而背叛和虚伪 - 和平的主要来源。

当这一切都发生在我周围时，我完全失去了对人类不同道路的希望。我完全失去了为这些人或与这些人做任何事情的愿望。我明白这样的回滚迟早会发生，动物是不可救药的。但我没有想到，它可以这么快，这么简单，就像切换一个拨动开关一样。

我们过去生活的目的有意义吗？很明显，一切都会回归，但它会像无能为力一样回归，就像渣男一时兴起一样容易崩溃。

我不能说我为自己的生活感到羞耻，但它本来可以更好。我没有时间做很多其他人不会做的事情，这会改善人们的生活。然而，现在有必要吗？

我想做一个提高选择意识的应用程序，允许一个人在自己内部进行“公投”，连续很多天回答同一个问题。我实现了这个想法，但现在谁需要选举和公投，谁对自己的意见非常感兴趣？

我想给 Szemeredi 定理上色，把数学证明变成艺术交汇处的一件艺术品，变成电影规模的东西。我相信数学值得。

我想帮助人们摆脱认知扭曲和逻辑矛盾，寻求和制定自己的世界模型。我觉得我做得很好。

现在这已经不重要了，我写这个不是为了引起怜悯，而是为了强调意义。

我非常懒惰，认为我有很多时间。这是一个很大的错误。

---

面对我的乌克兰朋友，我有些惭愧。相信我，我从来没有希望或对乌克兰做过任何坏事，即使现在开始的事情突然开始，我也始终牢记我准备离开。不幸的是，我只是没有成功，我只是没有足够熟练地处理这件事......拘留我的FSB官员说我是叛徒，但在2月24日早上，我自己感到被背叛了。是的，不管它多么荒谬，但即使早就理性地和大声地认识到战争是可能的，在情感上它还是让我意外地感到惊讶。我天真地认为，与乌克兰人打交道的法律上的微妙之处意味着在某个关键时刻爆发的可能性。我把头伸进老虎的喉咙太深了。这是第二个大错误，我要付出代价。

落在基辅街头的每一粒炮弹都伤害了我。阅读报道，我想象着这些街道和地区的景色。从第一天到现在，我一直全心全意地和你在一起，虽然很明显，带着那些感情，我并没有拯救任何人……

我是一个绝对的无神论者。我不相信地狱，我哪儿也不去。但这对我来说比现实更珍贵，一部分人重新陷入野蛮，另一部分人沉迷其中——甚至在合唱中疯狂地举起双手，甚至从前线“撤离”。我不想和其中任何一个在一起。

最后，当然是诗句[原韵完美，但为了保留原意，这些韵在本译文中省略]：

俄罗斯人想要“没有战争”的​​海报吗？

询问装甲防暴警察，

询问地铁潜水员

问那个紧紧抓住王位的人。

俄罗斯人想要破碎的城市吗？

询问拥挤的火车。

俄罗斯人想要摧毁医院吗？

问婴儿干涸的眼窝。

俄罗斯人想改变一件事吗？

向其余媒体询问此事。

俄罗斯人想根除纳粹主义吗？

用字母“Z”向学生提问。

这可怕的一年将是你的名片，

真是一群不可动摇的人，

准备好沐浴在血中，即使在粪便中，

但如果没有海报“没有战争”。

想不到在一班跳梁小丑里 也有不食周粟的好汉

科学没有国界，天才没有坟墓，但人类有故乡。

这个故乡不是什么“科学家有国界”，而是思想原料的原产地，是记忆的母床，是再超然于世外的、具有人类高度的先知，也有的童年。

而和一些人想的恰恰相反，天才、先知、科学家恐怕并不会把自己的故乡、童年和世俗腐烂的组织、宗派、身份标记划等号.对他们来说，故乡童年是他们依然为人类服务而不是作为算法计算出宇宙尽头的一道红线与提醒——恰恰是为了维系住他们慈悲的能力，依然为人的能力。

而不是像有的人那样，以为这不过是能力贫弱到只能够临摹的画家看到自己终生复绘的一堵老墙坍塌后的程序崩溃。重要的不是复制，而是万物的连续与联系。

你可以以此认为他软弱，唯独不能以为是无知，或者说不够“智能”.

只能说数学这个最纯粹的学科，出最纯粹的人的几率总是会大一些。

别的我也不说什么了，逝者安息。他“对人类绝望了”，这在未来一段时间内恐怕会成为有识之士的常态，无论是关于俄乌战争还是其他的事情。我建议生者保护好自己的身心，不要陷进“政治性抑郁”中太深了。世界无比疯狂，“看世界”看得太久，容易掉san。

评论的有些人可能不太懂我想表达的话。我一直是“天下乌鸦一般黑”的支持者。这位自杀的数学家只提到俄罗斯，实际上不用我提醒大家也知道“大恶人”远不止俄罗斯。

对人类失望。

这是一个很有趣的现象。

对人类失望不仅仅是对其中一方失望。而是对各方都失望。失望之后，觉得人类不可能好了。于是选择了离开。

这不是一个单纯对某一方的谴责。这是对双方的谴责。

我也有类似的情绪。

差不多是开始制裁猫的时候，这个情绪达到了定点。

“人类果然傻哔”。我的猫这样看着我。

我想了想，还是决定同意它的看法。

“一直就是这样傻哔啊。”我想了想，对它说。

它不理我。

不过早知道人类是傻哔的。所以我才能在这个人类之中，活的很舒服吧？

我是不会因为对人类有什么失望的。因为连希望都没有过。

一个制裁猫的人类，能有什么可希望的呢。

大家也不要因为这些破事儿去抑郁了自己。毕竟，猫说

不值得。

数学家？

别又是个像女演员那样的纳粹吧

这人的行为就好比

1945年一个在美国的日本人

听说美国给日本扔了两颗原子弹

然后愤怒地跟周围的美国人说

“我要回去保卫日本 我要回去反击侵略者”

你猜美国人会不会把他抓起来

冒险更新一下两点：

1.这个事儿确实是真的。我去某书上跟MIPT实验室确认了，回复见图。请大家知道这个渠道之后，也不要再去重复问了。

MIPT网站上已经将他显示为“Former Member" (曾经的成员）。

Members – Laboratory of Combinatorial and Geometric Structures (combgeo.org)

2. 根据他的简历，这位其实是仍在MIPT学习的数学硕士。论文一共四篇，大致是发了两篇，另两篇还在pending状态。 中文语境下说是”数学家“，属实有些夸大了。 最高赞的叙述方式很容易让人误会他是这个组的负责人。当然我并不是想拿这种细节做什么文章，纯属澄清一下事实。

(机翻）我于1995年出生在乌克兰。我于2016年毕业于顿涅茨克国立技术大学，专攻编程专业。与此同时，在2014-2015学年，我在Yandex数据分析学院学习了一年，但当我的兴趣与随后的教育材料分开时，我就离开了。

2018年，我改变了专业，进入了MIPT关于组合分析的硕士课程。我的兴趣集中在算术组合学上，我的硕士论文与凸序列结构有关。

原回答：

第一次回答俄乌战正相关的问题。主要是为了提供一下原始消息源，因为问题描述中有些翻译差得太离谱了，容易给人误导。他的遗书全文(俄文的英文译版)，包括他朋友的声明，放在最后。因为很长，我也不想全部翻译，只关注于还原这个事件本身的部分。如果感兴趣想全部看一下的，可以机翻。

比如，问题描述中说：

1.“也许处于愤怒，他说话很不客气，而且告诉了其他人他要回乌克兰的计划”，相关原文是“The reason for this, I think, is my bad tongue and one person with whom I rashly shared my plans. ” 我的理解是，他认为，是他之前说了一些不和谐的话，加上莽撞地告诉了某人自己离境的计划(泄露了)，所以才会被FSB逮捕。而不是说逮捕过程中他说话不客气，更没有出现”愤怒“这个词。。

2. “在争执中，他动手打了执法者”。没有这回事，原文是：“I directly told the FSB everything that I thought about what was happening. It was stupid, but it couldn't be otherwise. It was the last thing I could hit them with, and I hit with all my might.”

是说被逮捕以后，他直接告诉FSB了自己对正在发生的事情（战争）的看法。说这是他最后所能做的“打击”他们的事情, 并尽他全力”打击”。可能他的态度那时会比较激烈，不知道有没有言语争执，但至少双方谁也没有动手。。。

等等 。。

这是个极致追求Freedom的人，有多追求呢。。是如果觉得食物不合口味，宁愿挨饿都不会吃的程度。。。

在我的一生中，我一直在努力争取在任何事情上都有选择的自由——食物、职业、居住地、用什么肥皂洗手，以及投票给哪个政党。我总是只吃对我来说好吃的食物，如果这不可能，那我宁愿忍受饥饿。
All my life I have striven to have freedom of choice in everything - in food, in a profession, in a place of residence, in what soap to wash my hands and for which party to vote. I always ate only the food that was tasty to me, and if this was not possible, then I preferred to endure the hunger.

被FSB逮捕后，他就觉得永远失去了自由(“When I was arrested, I considered that my freedom was taken away forever")。他是一直觉得不自由勿宁斯的。（"Unfreedom is worse than death for me")。然后他在号子里面就开始寻斯了，至少用七种方法尝试了十次。。。

但是从他的遗书和相关新闻中，也可以看出这个事情本身的基本经过：

1. FSB逮捕了他，但是双方没有发生什么肢体冲突。
   逮捕原因，个人推测可能是因为他发表的一些言论，比如“我要回去保卫我的国家，云云”，原文“I went to defend my country, to defend it from someone who wanted to take it from me.”。 而据他朋友的声明 ，是FSB"捏造了一项行政指控" ("administrative protocol ") 。
2. FSB在号子里也没拿他怎么样，而只是”无助地试图回答我，他们以绝对无辜的面孔重复着最粗俗的宣传陈词滥调。“（" I was even amused by how helplessly they tried to answer me, how unsophisticated they repeated the most crude propaganda clichés with an absolutely innocent face"）, 而且甚至把他逗乐了 （”I was even amused“）。
3. FSB把他拘留了15天就放了，有他一位朋友的声明("As a result, he received 15 days (jail time"), 以及他自己发的照片为证。图上文字大意为”离开FSB监狱时的最后一张照片,(后面省略)....."

4. 出来以后，接到了奥地利一个大学的邀请，但貌似还是不能离境。总之最后想不开了，在telxxx上发了遗书(俄语)，就在家自S了。。。("he received an invitation to one of the universities in Austria to continue his studies there. The problem was to somehow leave the country.")

从整个过程来看，基本上就是一个发布了某些言论，被处以行政拘留15天处罚的事儿吧。。。至于无法离境的问题，战时状态就不要用平时的标准去衡量了吧。乌克兰也禁止18-60岁男性出境。

然后我个人的观点吧，我不懂数学，但也是觉得挺可惜的。不过这位在其它方面的思维模式和行为实在是有点过于理想主义，说得不好听点，类似某些女泉份子的巨鹰行为。当然也有一个比较大的因素，自己国家卷入战正所导致的心理应激创伤。

不过这里我有一点疑惑，作为一个出生和生活在东乌的人，2018年才去的俄罗斯。那么自2014年以来，亚速营之流在东乌的所作所为，他是不知道的吗，还是认为那些是正当行为？ 不过怎么说呢，对什么事情痛心，什么时候痛心，都是个人自由，也不能强求。。。

总而言之，挺可惜的，不过我个人觉得这种行为没有任何意义。。。

结果连某些Fake News都不报道，最终死者只是被国内某些人，拿来作为一个带节奏的工具罢了。

遗书英文译版：

Before he passed away, Konstantin posted the following message in his channel:

Hello. My name is Konstantin Olmezov, I am writing this text of sound mind and vivid memory, and if you are reading it, then most likely I will never write anything.

Once upon a time, when I was really seriously thinking about what should not be named [suicide] on the Russian Internet, I began to look for some self-help videos for myself. In one of them, the psychologist said that the main thought that drives almost everyone contemplating doing this is: "the world owes me and the world has not lived up to my expectations." I was imbued with this idea, I realized that such a position was inappropriate for that situation - and the problem was solved, I quickly returned to life.

But now this is exactly the thought that I think: "the world owes me and the world did not live up to my expectations."

The world should strive to correct mistakes. And doesn't do it. The world should consist of thinking, sympathetic and responsible people. And it is not. The world should allow freedom of creativity and choice. And he keeps taking them. The world should consider these demands normal. And he considers them overpriced.

What began on February 24 changed some existential positions in me. It is more than terrible how easily all the signs that I read about in books are acquired by people who only yesterday seemed to be leading a completely everyday life. I'm afraid our language doesn't yet have words to express the extent of what's going on. It turned out that in order to be like the heroes of books and songs, it is enough not to read or listen to them, and that millions are capable of this.

I came to Russia in 2018 to do science. I came because I fell in love with a science that was not represented in Ukraine - additive combinatorics. Fell in love for real, crazy - like people fall in love with people. Spent nights and days with her. I was not too zealous in this love, my scientific successes are very modest, but there is just no contradiction in this, for in ordinary love my affairs are even worse.

I have always been critical of Russian politics and have always considered Russian culture to be superior to it, to be capable of transcendence. This illusion in my head almost did not stagger, but now it fell at once and completely. Vysotsky, Filatov, Shpalikov, Astrakhan, Tarkovsky, Mikhalkov (outside his demonic rendition), Vinogradov, Linnik, Shkredov, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninov, Scriabin - I'm afraid these and many other names speak nothing to the majority of those whose actions are now supported by the majority of contemporary Russians. So much so that we can't even imagine. And yet, they [the nationalist war mongers] are supported.

The funny thing is that everyone still believes that everything can be achieved by force. That by breaking life through the knee hard enough, you can make people forget what happened before their eyes. That, by shutting everyone's mouths, you can make thoughts suffocate. It would seem that this is something from the field of politics or psychology, but no, it is there, in culture - this is not a strategy for working with reality, but an expression of an attitude towards the very phenomenon of the subject. This is the very essence of "being determines consciousness."

---

On February 26, I tried to leave the territory of Russia. It was an act somewhat stupid, but only to the extent that it was ill-conceived. I don’t regret it, but I only regret that I didn’t do it on the 23rd, when there were all the reasons for it.

I went to defend my country, to defend it from someone who wanted to take it from me. To protect my president, whom I myself chose, feeling in this the same duty that a boss feels when protecting his subordinate. By the way, in 2019, in the first round, I did not vote for Zelensky. And in 2023 I would not vote for him. But, no matter how unpleasant he may be for me, the freedom of choice and the freedom to be responsible for what is chosen, responsible up to the full experience of the consequences, are important for me. It is very difficult to explain to many Russians and pro-Russian Ukrainians how forced changes from the outside that serve to improve well-being even in all respects can be unacceptable simply because they are also forced from the outside. This is something like pulling out from under hyper-custody.

While boarding the bus, I was arrested. The reason for this, I think, is my bad tongue and one person with whom I rashly shared my plans. When I was arrested, I considered that my freedom was taken away forever, and I directly told the FSB everything that I thought about what was happening. It was stupid, but it couldn't be otherwise. It was the last thing I could hit them with, and I hit with all my might. I was even amused by how helplessly they tried to answer me, how unsophisticated they repeated the most crude propaganda clichés with an absolutely innocent face.

Once in the cell, I began to look for only one thing - death. I made at least ten attempts in seven different ways. Some of them, looking from here, are ridiculous and their doom seems obvious, but these were sincere attempts. And the only thing I dreamed about, sitting there, was to be released in order to be able to commit the last one, with normal chances of success (by the way, I still don’t understand why they let me go anyway).

Unfreedom is worse than death for me. All my life I have striven to have freedom of choice in everything - in food, in a profession, in a place of residence, in what soap to wash my hands and for which party to vote. I always ate only the food that was tasty to me, and if this was not possible, then I preferred to endure the hunger. There are only two ways to deal with unfreedom - repression and rejection. Repression is if you freely choose how to live all your life, and then you are locked up and you start choosing which book to read while you are locked up. I can fight lack of freedom only by not accepting, refusing to stay in the very situation of lack of freedom - if they prevent me from choosing how and where to live, I would simply prefer not to live.

I really love, albeit with a strange love, Donetsk. Despite the disgusting childhood, this is still the city where I wrote my first program, my first poem, went on stage for the first time, earned my first money. The city, in the center of which every shop and turn of the path in every park is saturated for me with some kind of rhyme, some kind of problem that I solved there, names, faces, pleasant and terrible events. Every corner of every track.

I love Kyiv very much - the city where I first found an independent life, I experienced hunger and loneliness for the first time, I truly fell in love for the first time, wrote my best poems. While there, at some point I wrote 2 verses in 3 days, as much as ever. Every bridge over the Rusaniv Canal, every tree in the forest behind Lisovaya, every bench in the Victory Park are saturated for me with their pain and their love.

I love Moscow very much - the city where I first "got on my feet", gained financial independence, where I proved my first and only theorems, where I truly believed in my strength for the first time. Where is Tsaritsyno!

I hurt for every side in this war, but I see with my own eyes who is defending their land and who is taking over someone else's.

---

There is such a hackneyed question: to be or not to be. I have always tried to ask myself from time to time. It seems to me that if a person does not ask himself about this regularly, then the continuation of life for him is not a conscious choice.

The question is well-known, but the author follows it with another one: is it worthy to endure the disgrace of fate without a murmur. The answer to it for me now is unambiguous: to be silent, to lie, to pretend that nothing is happening either around or in the soul is unworthy; to substitute, to sit all your life in prison, in impotence - unworthy; hiding from everyone, bringing trouble to other people, constantly looking for help, being afraid of everyone is unworthy; to partisan, to harm another state on its territory is doubly unworthy, I am a Ukrainian, a person of a different culture (I understand that someone will consider this a weakness, and okay). I see no way to continue my life with dignity.

At some point, I had hope for a second attempt to leave. I am immensely grateful to the people who gave it to me, and I apologize for not using it. I'm still too afraid that they will put me in jail a second time, and seriously - I did too many stupid things during the first detention.

Not to mention the fact that I’m left disappointed in man and humanity in general. When, in the 21st century, an army in the middle of the night attacks a completely foreign, completely non-dangerous country. And every soldier understands what he is doing and pretends not to understand. When the minister of this country says "we did not attack", and the journalists broadcast it. And every journalist understands that this is a lie, and pretends not to understand. When millions of people watch this and understand that what is happening will be on their conscience and history, they pretend that they have nothing to do with it. When black is called white, and pleasant is called bitter, and not in a conspiratorial whisper, and without a wink, but as if from oneself. When Zadornov's joke about an American who said that "the Russians are cruel because they attacked the Swedes near Poltava" ceases to be a joke and ceases to be about the American and the Swedes. When the world is seriously discussing the possibility of what it has been trying to prevent for 75 years, and not discussing any new models of prevention. When power again claims to be the main source of truth, and betrayal and hypocrisy - the main source of peace.

When this is all happening all around me, I completely lose hope for a different path for humanity. I completely lose the desire to do anything for these people or with these people. I understood that such a rollback would happen sooner or later, that the animal was incorrigible. But I did not imagine that it was possible so quickly and so simply, as if by switching a toggle switch.

Does it make sense what we used to live for? It is clear that everything will return, but it will return just as powerless, and just as easily crumble at the whim of a scumbag.

I can’t say that I am ashamed of my life, but it could have been better. I did not have time to do a lot of things that no one else will do and that would improve people's lives. However, is it necessary now?

I wanted to make an application that promotes awareness of choice, allowing a person to conduct "referendums" within himself, answering the same question for many days in a row. I lived this idea, but who needs elections and referendums now, who is seriously interested in their own opinion?

I wanted to colorize Szemeredi's theorem, to turn a mathematical proof into a piece of art at the intersection of the arts, into something of the scale of a movie. I'm sure the math deserves it.

I wanted to help people get out of cognitive distortions and logical contradictions, to seek and formulate their own model of the world. I think I did well.

Now this is no longer important, and I am writing about this not to arouse pity, but to insist on significance.

I was unforgivably lazy and thought I had a lot of time. It was a big mistake.

---

I am somewhat ashamed in the face of my Ukrainian friends. Believe me, I never wished or did anything bad to Ukraine, and I always kept in mind my readiness to leave in the even that what started now does suddenly start. Unfortunately, I just didn’t succeed, I simply didn’t approach this matter skillfully enough ... The FSB officers who detained me spoke to me as a traitor, but on the morning of February 24, I myself felt betrayed. Yes, no matter how ridiculous it may be, but even having long recognized rationally and aloud that war is possible, emotionally it came as a surprise to me to an unexpected degree. I had a naive confidence that legal delicacy in dealing with Ukrainians implies the possibility of breaking out at some critical moment. I stuck my head too deep into the tiger's throat. This is the second big mistake, I have something to pay for.

I am hurt by every shell that falls on the streets of Kyiv. Reading the reports, I imagine the views of these streets and districts. From the first day until now, I have been with you wholeheartedly, although it is clear that with those feelings I did not save anyone …

I am an absolute atheist. I don't believe in hell, I'm going nowhere. But this nowhere is dearer to me than reality, where part of the people fell back into savagery, and the other part indulges in it - even throwing up their hands in choral insanity, even "evacuating" away from the front line. I don't want to be with either one or the other.

And finally, of course, the verse [original rhymes perfectly, but for the sake of preserving original meaning, these rhymes are left out of this translation]:

Do Russians want "no war" posters?
Ask the armored riot police about it,
Ask the subway divers about it
Ask the one who clung to the throne about it.

Do Russians want broken cities?
Ask the crowded trains about it.
Do the Russians want destroyed hospitals?
Ask the dried up eye sockets of babies.

Do the Russians want to change a thing?
Ask the remaining media about it.
Do Russians want to eradicate Nazism?
Ask students with the letter "Z" about it.

This terrible year will be your calling card,
Truly an unshakable people,
Ready to bathe even in blood, even in shit,

But if only there were no posters "no war".

朋友声明

Announcement of the news from his friend

Yesterday I was talking to a good guy, a Ukrainian mathematician named Konstantin Olmezov.

He left Donetsk because of the "they’re not here" (Russians) war. Entered the graduate school of the Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology. Wrote a dissertation.

After the start of Putin's armed aggression against Ukraine, he tried to leave Russia, but could not. He was detained and an administrative protocol was fabricated against him.

As a result, he received 15 days (jail time). Upon leaving the special detention center, he received an invitation to one of the universities in Austria to continue his studies there. The problem was to somehow leave the country. He bought a ticket to Turkey. We agreed that escorting him to the airport was pointless. That he will try to go through border control on his own, and if problems arise, I will come.

We agreed to keep in touch.

And just now I received news that in the morning he committed suicide, leaving a suicide note that he is dying because he cannot bear the horror of what is happening.

Talented and promising mathematician. Olmezov Konstantin.

Damn you - those who started this war and those who are waging it.

You won't get away without the answer.

她一定也爱着俄罗斯这个国家吧

所以才会感到悲哀，而不是简单的愤怒

想回到乌克兰并不困难，只要活下来总有希望

但是俄族和乌族之间恐怕永远也不会和解了

她很清楚以后还会发生什么，所以才会感到绝望

即使回到乌克兰又能怎么样呢。。。

在这个时候，俄国为何阻止一个乌克兰人数学家离开俄国并拘留他？我觉得这毫无道理。